Lost It All
by starkidtw
Summary: I think I just lost everything. GC, angst.


FF : Losing It All

Rating : PG

Summary : "I think I just lost everything."

Disclaimer : Show, not mine ; characters, not mine, don't sue.

A/N : It's the sequel to "Follow Your Heart", thanks Anne for the betaing, you're a star!

Three hours ago, I was sitting alone in my office and miserably missing my best friend. Three hours ago, my ex told me I've been in love with another woman for years and I should follow my heart to go to her.

Three hours ago, I realized I've been in love with my best friend for twenty years.

I love Catherine.

After almost knocking Greg off and speeding to the airport, I never thought I could run so many red lights in my life and not get caught. My luck was just with me today and it also got me the last ticket to Seattle. I couldn't get any rest in the plane; the way time went by was like a lifetime long, I just want to see Catherine and tell her I love her.

And now I'm standing outside of her house and wondering how to tell my best friend that I love her.

Wait a second. I'm only thinking of how to tell Catherine that I love her. What if she doesn't love me? What if she doesn't feel the same? What if she only loves me as a friend? Brilliant, Grissom, just brilliant, you just dig a deeper hole and jump in before thinking, could you be more stupid and foolish?

Maybe flying here to tell Catherine I love her was not a good idea. Maybe I should just leave and go back to the lab or my office to finish the paperwork. Maybe it's not too late to leave now. I'm going to leave, Catherine will never know and no one gets hurt. I can still miss her and keep thinking of her in my lonely house. It's a safer place, safer than standing here and panicking for not knowing what to do.

That's it; I'm going back to Las Vegas and hiding myself in my empty house.

Okay, now the light in Catherine's house has just turned on and I can hear the steps coming. I need to move my feet and run fast! I can't let Catherine see me.

My stupid feet just decided to become rocks and refused to move me. Great, what should I do now? Think, Grissom, think hard!

"Gil?! What are you doing here?"

Here is the beautiful face and the velvet voice I've missed hearing. If I wasn't so afraid, it could almost make me smile. I can see the shock and confusion in these beautiful blue eyes, the ones I fell in love with at first sight.

Should I tell Catherine the real reason that I ran out my office without a thought and put my work and papers aside just to come here to see her and tell her that I finally realized I've loved her for all these years? Or should I just kiss her without a word to show her how much I miss her and love her?

Think hard, Grissom! You should woo the woman you love, not just stand still and try to find a word to say.

"I just want to see you, Catherine. I miss you."

Hope they're safe words to say to her and to save myself from this situation.

But sorrow covers the blue in her eyes and they're getting moist. Kicking myself inside, I think I said the wrong words.

"You miss me?"

"Of course I miss you, you're my best friend."

And I just realized that I have been in love with you for years, Cath. That's why I'm here. But I don't speak these words out loud. I was only here for less than ten minutes and said only a few words and she is already upset. I don't think it's a good time to tell my best friend I love her.

"What about the lab? What about your job? Did you finally finish those goddamn papers already? Or did Ecklie finally kick your ass out the lab?"

See, that's my Catherine, never missing a beat and always hitting the nail on the head. That's one part that I love about her.

"The lab is fine, I just took some vacation time. But unfortunately, those papers are still unfinished, it seems like I can't finish them without you. I miss doing our paperwork together. The lab and my office are not the same without you."

"You, the workaholic Gil Grissom, took time off because you miss me?"

First, I made Catherine upset because I came to see her and now I've made her cry because I said I miss her.

I will never understand women, especially this beautiful angel called Catherine who God sent to the Earth.

"Shh…don't cry, Cath. It's okay. Everything is fine."

I wrap her tight in my arms and keep kissing her forehead, the smell of her hair and the softness of her warm body making me want to be closer to her. I wish I could stay forever with her like this. I long for every part of Catherine.

"I miss you, too, Gil."

Just four simple words, coming from these lips I dream of touching and kissing, and it feels like my heart is going to explode like a shooting star because of the love I have for this woman.

I need to tell Catherine. I need to tell her what my heart desires, otherwise I'll regret for the rest of my life for not saying the words I should have told her long time ago.

I need to say it.

"Catherine, I need to tell you something."

Emotions keep flying on her face as I say these words to her, and the emotions are too complicated for me to read. I wish I could know what's on her mind right now.

"I came here to see you not only because you're on my mind all the time but I need to tell you something Sara just made me understand today."

I see the pain and fear flash through her blue eyes Suddenly, I feel the dryness of my throat.

"Okay."

Taking a deep breath to prepare these words, I feel myself start to sweat.

"People say you don't know how much you have until you lose them. That's how I felt when you left. I miss you, Catherine. You're in my thoughts all the time: when I'm at work; when I'm doing paperwork; when I'm alone in my office, my house, even in my dreams, you're everywhere except you're not really beside me."

Trying to catch my breath, I pause.

"When Sara stopped by at my office this morning, she wanted to have a breakfast with me, but all I wanted was for her to go away to leave me alone, so I can miss you on my own. That's when Sara made me realize something that has been in front of me but I never saw it."

"I miss you because I love you Catherine. I've been in love with my best friend for so long that I didn't know. I don't know if you feel the same, but I do know if I don't tell you the feelings I have for you now, I will regret it for the rest of my life, thinking what if, and never forgiving myself."

The tears fall down like rivers on Catherine's face. I wish I could kiss them away. Pull yourself together, Grissom.

I hold my breath and wait for Catherine's answer, the one that will make me lose her forever or change my life completely.

Then the thing I feared the most happened.

I hear a sharp and loud sound. I didn't know where it came from until I felt the hot heat on my face to wake me up to the reality.

She slapped me.

Catherine slapped me.

She slapped me after I followed my heart to tell her I love her, and that's the answer.

She didn't feel the same.

I think I just lost everything.

The end


End file.
